so like — “i just decided one day to wake up and be happy” is obviously not how that worked at all. getting to a point of being more or less content took a lot a lot A LOT of time and effort (and so goddamn much therapy) and i am not really there yet.
…that being said — for me, at least, i had to decide that i was at least going to try, and a big part of that was because the idea of getting “better” was genuinely scary.
i’ll probably put up a more in-detail post later, but: ya bro doesn’t have tiddies anymore and is feeling pretty good about that!! i’m healing nicely and coping with the gnarlier parts; i’m excited for when i finally get everything off and can enjoy my fancy new chest, but in the mean time, we’re chugging along well!
I LOVED THIS BOOK. i picked it up a little bit on a whim from amazon’s not-a-library library, and ended up tearing through it in 3 days (which is remarkable for me, now that i am old and my attention span is shit).
i’m very bad at keeping plants alive. i just replanted a succulent because i nearly drowned it and half its leaves fell off — i didn’t actually realize it was just sitting in a whole puddle of water for a while! i feel terrible!
anyway here are my two beleaguered plants — one day i’ll figure out how to take care of them right! in the mean time, their survival is really a testament to their grit and determination, not my own skill and ability :c
apparently the secret to speedrunning being sick is:
ACTUALLY TAKE TIME OFF OF WORK!!!!!
i worked about 3 hours yesterday from home, and otherwise drank a ton of fluids and had soup and fruit juice and tea and this morning i feel — still kind of gross, but manageably so
it is WILD to me how much better this new place suits me. i really enjoy working a reasonable number of hours a week, and not forcing myself into the office even when i’m dying, and being able to take care of myself! i really recommend it tbh!
i get very inclined to read signs and portents into everything that happens when i’m nervous, and — i get top surgery in a week and a half, and i have my last doctor’s appointment this week, and i started this week by getting a really painful sore throat and the beginnings of an actual illness
i also started this month by getting 8 bloody noses in 4 days
i know this is purely a luck thing, it has nothing to do with The Gods Telling Me Not To Get Surgery, but also, have i considered having a complete meltdown about how clearly the universe things i shouldn’t get top.