from guru to voodoo and voodoo to zen

a brief note for friends/friends of blog: i am slowly titrating off of sertraline. i am at least marginally more self-aware than i was a few years ago, so i THINK i will notice if this experiment super doesn’t work, but also if you notice me completely falling to pieces, a “hey, so how’s the med thing working out?” would be appreciated tbh

i — have questions about whether or not this is a good idea tbh, but

  1. T and shitloads of therapy have solved many problems! i feel much more betterer — if this doesn’t work out, then i’ll go back on, but i’m curious how substantial this change has been
  2. i am bad at remembering to pick up medications
  3. …….my psych used part of our time together to explain to me how confusing they/them pronouns are, and then i really didn’t want to go back.


a tiny protip to every journalist and politician in the US right now:

“actually, she was born here” or “actually, she’s been a citizen longer than [benchmark]” is a tempting gotcha, but also: every argument along those lines implicitly accepts, “go back to where you came from” as an acceptable argument in some circumstances

literally it doesn’t matter where anybody was born; the correct response to what is a racism 101 attack is, “that’s fucking racist and saying it is appalling” hth!

fair warning

I’ve been noodling around about happiness (I’m… possibly… content???? I view this with enormous suspicion, but also: I might be????) and embodiment a whole bunch, since when you’re recovering from surgery and can only handle tasks on the level of, “retrieve an ice pack and watch TV while on industrial strength painkillers”, and also you’re super thrilled about it, you think like

a whole lot

about it

ALSO I am gonna write up an actual post about top surgery, complete with gooey pictures of my nips; watch this space

how to be happy

so like — “i just decided one day to wake up and be happy” is obviously not how that worked at all. getting to a point of being more or less content took a lot a lot A LOT of time and effort (and so goddamn much therapy) and i am not really there yet.

…that being said — for me, at least, i had to decide that i was at least going to try, and a big part of that was because the idea of getting “better” was genuinely scary.

Continue reading “how to be happy”

an update


i’ll probably put up a more in-detail post later, but: ya bro doesn’t have tiddies anymore and is feeling pretty good about that!! i’m healing nicely and coping with the gnarlier parts; i’m excited for when i finally get everything off and can enjoy my fancy new chest, but in the mean time, we’re chugging along well!

Book review: “The Song of Achilles”, by Madeline Miller, and “My Sister the Serial Killer”, by Oyinkan Braithwaite

The Song of Achilles

I LOVED THIS BOOK. i picked it up a little bit on a whim from amazon’s not-a-library library, and ended up tearing through it in 3 days (which is remarkable for me, now that i am old and my attention span is shit).

Continue reading “Book review: “The Song of Achilles”, by Madeline Miller, and “My Sister the Serial Killer”, by Oyinkan Braithwaite”


i’m very bad at keeping plants alive. i just replanted a succulent because i nearly drowned it and half its leaves fell off — i didn’t actually realize it was just sitting in a whole puddle of water for a while! i feel terrible!

anyway here are my two beleaguered plants — one day i’ll figure out how to take care of them right! in the mean time, their survival is really a testament to their grit and determination, not my own skill and ability :c

Two rather bedraggled plants - a jade plant on the left, and a succulent of some kind on the right. Both are missing leaves.