i had some bonus bleeding on the right side of my chest and there is a hard little lump of tissue there and it’s going to be there for a while and every now and again i’ll lean up against something and it’ll stick me in the hard lump and i will not really notice […]
Category Archives: trans stuff
feminism 101
before i started T, i very much thought of it purely as a set of physical changes, but that’s not even close to accurate. …rather — maybe it’s more accurate to say that a LOT of mental health stuff was wrapped up in the physical part, in much more foundational and fundamental ways than i […]
adventures in ???passing???
i see my face a bunch of times every single day, and i hear my voice all the time, and it’s very hard to tell if i look or sound different i get directed to the men’s bathroom now, though, and i listened to a recording of my voice and was legitimately surprised how i […]
voice testing for dummies
so — i know T is doing SOMETHING, i just don’t know WHAT. i’m in this body all the time 24/7, so from my perspective, i can tell my voice is lowER, but not how low. my deeply embarrassing judge for whether or not i’m passing has become whether or not i get harassed in […]
just little masculinized chest things
i used to think that i was agoraphobic, or like — agoraphobic because of depression and anxiety, or lazy, or SOMETHING; turns out it might have just been dysphoria the whole time? it’s so easy to just toss a t-shirt on and go outside without the bone-deep tiredness that would come over me every single […]
Book Reviews – “The Hidden Life of Trees”, by Peter Wohlleben; “Shrill”, by Lindy West; “Amateur”, by Thomas Page McBee
“amateur” completely wrecked me tbh. it’s a memoir by the first trans man to box at madison square garden. he talks about manhood and masculinity and what it means, exactly, to Be A Man, and how to be a good man; it included touching on some stuff that is really close to the bone for […]
top surgery: the movie: the novel
i got top surgery 2019 june 26th with dr. alison shore at advocate illinois masonic. please be aware: i’m including photographs of my chest, including some of the gnarlier bruising. there are no photos of my accursed flesh opened up or anything, but be forewarned.
scarfest
my body is doing its best to figure out wtf to even do about getting cut open and reshaped; it’s been coping really weirdly. for a while i was getting what felt like mild electrical shocks while my nerves knit themselves back together; that’s mostly finished up, but it was WEIRD AS HELL. it didn’t […]
fair warning
I’ve been noodling around about happiness (I’m… possibly… content???? I view this with enormous suspicion, but also: I might be????) and embodiment a whole bunch, since when you’re recovering from surgery and can only handle tasks on the level of, “retrieve an ice pack and watch TV while on industrial strength painkillers”, and also you’re […]
how to be happy
so like — “i just decided one day to wake up and be happy” is obviously not how that worked at all. getting to a point of being more or less content took a lot a lot A LOT of time and effort (and so goddamn much therapy) and i am not really there yet. […]