so — i know T is doing SOMETHING, i just don’t know WHAT. i’m in this body all the time 24/7, so from my perspective, i can tell my voice is lowER, but not how low. my deeply embarrassing judge for whether or not i’m passing has become whether or not i get harassed in […]
i used to think that i was agoraphobic, or like — agoraphobic because of depression and anxiety, or lazy, or SOMETHING; turns out it might have just been dysphoria the whole time? it’s so easy to just toss a t-shirt on and go outside without the bone-deep tiredness that would come over me every single […]
“amateur” completely wrecked me tbh. it’s a memoir by the first trans man to box at madison square garden. he talks about manhood and masculinity and what it means, exactly, to Be A Man, and how to be a good man; it included touching on some stuff that is really close to the bone for […]
i got top surgery 2019 june 26th with dr. alison shore at advocate illinois masonic. please be aware: i’m including photographs of my chest, including some of the gnarlier bruising. there are no photos of my accursed flesh opened up or anything, but be forewarned.
my body is doing its best to figure out wtf to even do about getting cut open and reshaped; it’s been coping really weirdly. for a while i was getting what felt like mild electrical shocks while my nerves knit themselves back together; that’s mostly finished up, but it was WEIRD AS HELL. it didn’t […]
I’ve been noodling around about happiness (I’m… possibly… content???? I view this with enormous suspicion, but also: I might be????) and embodiment a whole bunch, since when you’re recovering from surgery and can only handle tasks on the level of, “retrieve an ice pack and watch TV while on industrial strength painkillers”, and also you’re […]
so like — “i just decided one day to wake up and be happy” is obviously not how that worked at all. getting to a point of being more or less content took a lot a lot A LOT of time and effort (and so goddamn much therapy) and i am not really there yet. […]
SO I HAD TOP SURGERY i’ll probably put up a more in-detail post later, but: ya bro doesn’t have tiddies anymore and is feeling pretty good about that!! i’m healing nicely and coping with the gnarlier parts; i’m excited for when i finally get everything off and can enjoy my fancy new chest, but in […]
tw body image, food and eating, diets, abuse, misogyny, transphobia, homophobia — you know, the standard Trans Navelgazing things :’) so: in a week, i’m gonna get my tits cut off.