too much

a big part of why i’ve been quiet on here recently is i’ve been trying to figure out how much i should or shouldn’t speak or have hobbies or interests in public

recently someone said something that really made me realize i need to stop boring everyone by posting dumb shit i’ve made, which — i mean, sucks to hear, but also at least i know now instead of just humiliating myself over and over again, you know? because that’s what i’ve been doing, posting things i’m proud of or want to show to people and then just getting absolutely no response, which — i guess “nobody is responding or engaging with you in any way” is a clear and obvious sign you probably should shut up, but i’m real fucking stupid. but now i know! i can maybe even fix myself this time!

it — kind of sucks because i know i like a lot of stuff that is embarrassing or bad, that’s a consistent trait about me as a person, i find things that are not good and then care about them too much. expecting anybody to not talk shit in front of me about objectively stupid, liking bad things makes me a shitty person; i just can’t turn it off, though.

ah, well. you’d think at some point i’d stop liking stupid shit nobody cares about or i’d learn at LEAST how to not talk about them, and yet…! things would be much easier for me if i could just be normal and not Like This, but if i knew how to not be this person, i wouldn’t be, you know?

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1 Comment

  1. FWIW I like the stuff you make and I like seeing it. Often I don’t engage with stuff if I don’t feel like I have anything to add, but you do fun stuff! I really really enjoy your 1 person larp about leaving your body. Quality stuff.

    Not to say you have to keep posting or anything if you feel like it’s not the right decision for you. But just wanted to let you know that just because people aren’t interacting doesn’t necessarily mean your stuff isn’t appreciated. Hugs.

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