i’ve been having the feeling on and off for the last two-ish months that, if i vanished tomorrow, most people would be better off. this is a lie for a variety of reasons, and talking about it is hard because it makes people feel bad about it, but — it’s been a lot of just sticking my foot in my mouth and tripping over myself and things i thought were innocuous not being innocuous, and i’m clearly doing SOMETHING wrong but i’m not sure what
i know the things i like are dumb, and the feelings i feel are stupid, and my behavior is generally speaking: bad, and wanting anything from other people or to be treated a certain way is inherently abusive, and normally i’m a little more on top of not doing all the things i do when i forget myself, but — idk! idk. i’m sad and tired and not rolling with things as well as i normally do, and it feels bad. i have been told i can lean on my friends, but i’m never not going to be preparing for that to blow up in my face, you know?