hello i am home from the last day of my job and i’m really sad about it
so there’s all the usual things of “i learned a lot” and “i liked the people” reasons to be sad, but also — BOY my last job fucking sucked??? the whole “you look too gay to succeed” conversation was the nail in the coffin, but i was constantly aware that i was by far and away the most Alternative Lifestyles person working there, and that basically 100% of my interests were not appropriate to talk about and every time i tried it was like running into a wall. i don’t like — i think it’s a little embarrassing when people dismissively talk about ~normies~, there’s nothing particularly morally anything about liking sports or vidya or whatever, but like — my coworkers clearly thought i was weird
after my last job, it was such a fucking relief to be somewhere where i wasn’t constantly on edge about being Too Much or Too Weird or Too Gay. my manager was gay, one of my coworkers was gay, another was nonbinary, coworkers liked internet memes and went to gen con; i could do things like talk about the bureaucracy around changing my name or the four different places i have to send paperwork to prove i’m Trans Enough and nobody gave me a hard time about it? where i could spam cat pictures and people would actually ask me questions about the nub? where i horked up tabletop setting ideas at people and bounced weird body horror ideas around? where, when things had to be shut down, managers actually legit lobbied for us (hard! a manager was talking me up literally all over town!) and tried to get us places that would be good?
i’ve spent most of my life not bringing my real authentic self to work, and — i mean, work ry and home ry are never going to be the genuine same person but — being somewhere people didn’t clearly think i was somehow nebulously Not Right was like putting down a giant weight. i mean, i literally cried in front of my coworkers three times in the last two days by summarizing “homeward bound”, and then “the last unicorn”, and then talking about elephant rescue; i would have eaten my own hands before doing that at my last job!
i am determined to be excited about my new job, and — chicago tech is small tbh, so i’m sure my coworkers and i will cross paths again, and even if not i have it put in my calendar to bug people to get coffee and stay in touch at the new year, i have one coworker added on social media and am discord friends with another, it’ll be okay, just — i’m just real sad :c