woo

i’m slowly going Full Woo, so today i did my first tarot spread!

i did a simple 3-card spread around problems

the nature of my problem:

9 of pentacles, inverted — self-worth, over-investment in work. that sounds about right — one of the bigger issues right now is my inability to chill out and work in a productive way that doesn’t burn me the fuck out.

cause:

the tower, inverted — personal transformation, fear of change, averting disaster. my last job was Real Bad and has given me some fucked up habits, including the terror i’ll get fired at any second; in general, my fear around this career change and what it means, and my defensiveness over every job related thing spells DISASTER, makes work a real exciting adventure in fear instead of what it is

solution:

the world, inverted — seeking personal closure, short-cuts, delays. if i want to get better i’m going to have to genuinely release the past and make my peace with the fact that i’ve left this old job. there isn’t a quick and easy shortcut to becoming a Real Software Engineer, i’m just gonna have to keep plugging! stop trying to take a shortcut to Becoming A Real Software Engineer

takeaways:

i need to learn to shuffle better. also, i really have to stop being so weird about my job — i mean, i’m not wrong in thinking that a big helpful thing would be to stop acting like my job is going to transmogrify into my old terrible job. …also practice more ruby.

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3 Comments

  1. …I know I truly do not need to say this at this point but uh hard relate on learning some really bad habits from past job traumatic experiences and honestly I look at what you did and hope I handle a career change even marginally successfully as you did!

    1. god it really sucks! tbh, that you can leave a bad job and have it follow you! i’m like — 4 months in and i’m still getting used to the idea that project deadlines are more gentle suggestions rather than personal problems that are absolutely vital to get done on time, and i’m so annoyed that my old job is still managing to fuck me over!

      anyway fwiw you’re legit one of the most organized and competent people i know! there are def people who i’d be worried about in your situation, but sincerely: once you’re not completely run ragged by a shitty job, i really and genuinely think you’re not going to have trouble finding something less toxic!

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